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No Time for Pictures

momentaiSep. 11th, 2005 01:37 pm Frank and Jack Isuue 4

"So, how's it going, Jack?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"...I was just wondering what's going on. Are you okay?"
"OKAY!?" Fuck you, man! How can you even ask that? 'Am I okay?' Are you out of your friggin' mind?!"
"What the hell is wrong with you? Stop yelling at me!"
"Frank! We haven't had an issue posted in months and you have the nerve, the unmitigated gall, to ask me what's wrong?!"
"Dude, you need to calm down."
"You calm down, mother hubbard! I AM calm! I'm like placid fucking lake on Valium over here, bitch! Take your calm and shove it!"
"...Are you still upset that someone let Ashlee Simpson make a movie?"

"It's like Satan is prancing around in front of my face singing,
"Woo woo! Look at me! I stole all the decenncy and justice from the world! I'm a bad man! Woo wooo!"
"It doesn't make any sense, Frank! None!"

"I know Jack, I know, but it's a rough world. We can't run away and cry everytime a new slutty pop sensation w/o talent gets a new movie or song. We have to stand firm and fight the evil that is Hollywood with all our might. We have to stand tall like oak tress and withstand the decadent wind of mindless entertainment and souless art. You understand, Jack? We have to fight the good fight everyday or sickos like Ashlee Simpson and Bill O'Reily will always win. You don't want Bill O'Reily to win, do you Jack?"

"...No."
"Well then wipe those tears away, put on your evil fighting pants and let's go win one for Justice!"
"You're right, Frank. I do need to buck up. Come, on let's go. I don't why I was so upset, anyway. It's not like they are making another "Halloween" movie or something."
"...Um, Jack..."

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momentaiApr. 27th, 2005 11:17 pm Editor's Note

I apologize for the lack of posts in mikes_texttoons. I had planned on making daily, at the least, weekly updates, but it hasn't worked out. There are/were various problems going on in my life that have prevented me from updating. I shall try to fix this problem, but no promises. I had hoped to invite, or allow anyone who was interested, in with moderator access to keep posts current, but I haven't advertised this community since I rarely visit it myself. Anyway, if you have found this community and were turned off due to the lack of current comics, I apologize and ask that you try again in a few weeks. If you were turned off b/c the available comics were not funny, then screw you:p

-moderator momentai

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momentaiMar. 8th, 2005 05:20 pm Frank and Jack Issue 3: Enter the Gangsta

Frank: You know what I hate, Jack?
Jack: What do you hate, Frank?
Frank: I hate rappers who have stupid names.
Jack: Like what's a stupid name?
Frank: I'll tell you. I hate 50 Cent. What the hell kind of name is 50 Cent? Who told this muscle bound hood rat that it's acceptable to name oneself after a unit of change? Cos I'll tell you something, Jack, it's really not. Ya hear me, Fitty!? 50 Cent is a dumb ass name! On my side of town, you walk around callin' yoself types of money, you likely catch a pop in yo ass!

Jack: Frank?
Frank: As a matter of fact, I bet he's not even from da streets!
Jack: Frank?
Frank: All that blah blah blah about he hard, he a pimp! I'll pimp him upside da head!
JAck: Frank!

Frank: What, yo!?
JAck Why are you talking like that?
Frank: Like what, shoddy?
Jack: Like that!
Frank: Cos I's a gangsta, shoddy, I'm from da hood! And I can gets a stupid name, too! I can see it now. They'll call me Buck Fifty!

Jack: No, no they certainly will not.
Frank: Oh you just wait, mofo! Buck Fifty gonna make some noise. Buck Fitty gonna make ya jump for joy...

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momentaiFeb. 24th, 2005 10:33 pm And Now, a Word from Our Sponsor

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You don't need a credit check, your past sins are irrelevant at the Holy Trinity cathedral. We will take care of all the paper work. All YOU need to do is get down here and bow down b4 Christ Almighty and eat some crackers, drink some wine. It is as simple as that. Beleive me, I have God on my side and would never lie. I know you want God with you, too. But you can't get God untill you get down. Get down and pray, HERE, at Holy Trinity Catholic Emporium Cathedral. It's where the salvation is. Don't hesitate. Don't let Satan, that wily rascal, trick you into delaying your eternal splendor in the hallowed halls of Heaven. Satan is a nut and he wants to take your plot of land. Don't let him, folks! Don't let Satan get his greedy hands on what Christ Jesus has reserved for you. But you have to act now! The Christ is still dead for your sins, but you never know what happens next. I do, howeve, cos I'm with the Lord. I know that you are gonna pick up those car keys and head down, HERE, to Holy Trinity Catholic Emporium. It's where the Redemption is. Come by now, preists and various clergy are standing by.

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momentaiFeb. 23rd, 2005 10:33 pm Frank and Jack Issue 2: Too Much

Jack: Hey, Frank. Whatcha doin'?

Frank: Just hooking up my new hard drive.

Jack: Cool. How big is it?

Frank: Uh, 160 gigs.

Jack: That's it? Was it on sale or something?

FRank: No, it was pretty expensive, about $150. Why?

Jack: Dude, if you're going to go to the trouble of buying a new hard drive you should get the biggest possible. Were they out of the next size?

Frank: No. It was $190 though. I didn't want to pay that much.

JAck: How many gigs was it?

Frank: 240.

Jack: 240 gigs?

Frank: Yeah.

Jack: For how much?

Frank: $190.

Jack:....And you didn't get it b/c?

Frank: Cos that's a lot of gigs, man. I don't need that much space.

JAck: How the hell do you not need that much space?! You needed the 160 gig drive, didn't you?

Frank: Well, that's different.

Jack: Different how? You think 160 gigs will last forever?

Frank: Well, no, but I figured if all I download is porn and music, I could get by with 160 gigs. I mean if I fill up 160 gigs with porn then I really need to quit.

Jack: AHHHHH! What!? Quit downloading porn? Whhat does that even mean?!

Frank: Come on, dude! 160 gigs of porn? That's even too mcuh for you.

Jack: Too much porn? I-I...I can't beleive my ears!! I'm hyperventalating! Frank, have you lost your fucking mind!?

Frank: Dude! Shut up!

Jack: How can I shut up when my best friend is talking like a Nazi!? There's no such thing as too much porn, you shithead! That's like saying, "I've have too much air today. Here, Jack, you finish my air, I'm stuffed." That's what you sound like. A dipshit Catholic!

Frank: Look. shut up. It's just a hard drive. You're starting to hurt my feelings.

Jack: Your dumbassity is hurting my SOUL! I can't beleive this! Too much porn! Too many gigs! Next you'll be telling me that there's a uch thing as too much pizza.

Frank: That's funny.

Jack: ...Funny how, Frank?

Frank: Well, I did pass this delivery guy. He had a rejected order and wanted to give me 3 large pizzas for $10.

Jack: ...and you said no?

Frank: Dude, that's a lot of pizza. I didn't think we could eat it all.

Jack: Y-you...y-........AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How COULD WE NOT EAT THAT MUCH PIZZA??? WE LIKE PIZZA! WE'RE EATING PIZZA RIGHT NOW! I don't, I mean what would-it's ju..... (Jack collpases to the floor.)

Frank:....I gotta get new friends.

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momentaiFeb. 22nd, 2005 02:17 pm Posted at last, posted at last, thank Frank Almighty, posted at last!

Frank: Well, hi there and hooty hoo, folks! I'm Frank and this is Jack.

Jack: We don't have bodies!

Frank: That's right, we do not in fact, have bodies, but what we do have is a community.

Jack: Like the Gay community?

Frank: Like that, but with the right to marry.

Jack: That's a good right to have, Frank.

Frank: You bet it is, Frank! And that's one of the many reasons I am proud to present this new addition to LiveJournal: Mike's Text Toons!...

Jack: Who's Mike?

Frank:...Where's my fan fare?

Jack: What?

Frank: My fan fare. I presented "Mike's Text Toons". Where's the trumpets, drums, baloons, doves, sexy wenches in bikinis?

Jack: I don't know, no one told me anything about fan fair. And who is this Mike? I thought we we were Jack and Frank.

Frank: We are Frank and Jack and Mike is the guy who brings us here to MIKE'S TEXT TOONS!...Damn it! Where's the fan fare?!

Jack: Dude! Will you calm down. There is obviously no fan fair. Now, seriously, who is Mike?

Frank: Damn it, Jack! I want fan fair. I want music, and hot ass, and food, and, and...you know, cool stuff.

Jack: Well, we are only text based comedy. We don't have the means for such luxuries.

Frank: That is much with the gay. This was not mentioned at the meeting.

JAck: What meeting? You been haveing meetings without me? Is it with Mike!? Is Mike the one who gets to come to meetings?

Frank:...Well, yeah, he's the editor. And we always have meetings without you. You're stupid.

Jack: WTF?! I-

Frank: Whoa, there buddy. What the Hell was that?

Jack: What was what?

Frank: You just said WTF. What does that even mean?

Jack: You know, WTF, "What the Fuck?". It's what all the kids are saying.

Frank: Yeah, how about no. When you speak to me you will use words, not abbreviations. Fuck the kids.

JAck: You mean like how your dad used to do? Isn't that why he went to prison?

Frank:...We are so not going to be picked up for syndication.

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